press release 1

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
September 27, 2004
Contact: Mass Global Mega Corp 612-722-0626

Mass Global Mega Corp Introduces Instantaneous, Semi-Instantaneous, and Interdependent Study Degrees New Course Offerings Aim To Gently Erode Establishment Intelligentsia

ST. PAUL, Minn. Today the nation’s newest and most extensively connected macro corporation, Mass Global Mega Corp (MGMC), announced plans to create new forms of non-tuition based accreditation for students who do not want experience or pay for the process of a conventional degree program.

A MassGlobalMegaCorp spokesperson says “instant degrees are the new hip thing” and says that if people repeat this mentally to themselves ten times a day it will likely come true. The same spokesperson says the new forms of instant academic credit will benefit society’s long-term stability by giving people the option to have a degree whenever they feel like it: “Our position is that the more people do what they feel, the less negative pent-up feelings people will have.” “One of the things people want is to realize their dreams,” says MGMC CFO Beth Smith. “When people realize their dreams instantaneously, little things like traffic jams and high dairy prices will less likely accumulate to greater emotional problems.”

Smith says that while instant academic credit may have critics, it can be a good thing if you choose to look on the bright side: “The areas of knowledge is as vast as the list of things that can be known...like making excellent muffins or for being habitually clueless; many highly educated people in positions of upper management are clueless, and yet they think they know everything. Why shouldn’t people who are clueless naturally become the new experts in their field?”