Robots in the Minnesota Legislature Should be Stopped
By Neil Cunningham , Special to the Daily Planet
Machines might have infiltrated the Minnesota DFL. Decisive action is needed to remedy
the situation so that humans do not fall under machine control.
According to Senator Steve Sviggum, machines might have infiltrated the Minnesota
DFL. At least that is what he seems to be suggesting in his sublimely fair and evenhanded
critique (Star Tribune, May 30) of the DFL's "tax machine."
The good Senator Sviggum is trying to protect us from the evil DFL tax machine. (I
added the evil because it sounded good.) But after reading his essay, I am less worried
about taxes than I am about the fact that, as Sviggum seems to suggest, some DFL
members are acting more mechanical than human. His exact words: "The Republican
majority brings a much needed balance to the DFL taxing machine."
Since when did we allow machines in the legislature to carry out the people's business? If
Sviggum is correct, he is no doubt using his most precise powers of description to paint
the DFL as accurately as possible. You don't become a high state office holder and go
around likening your colleagues to "machines" for nothing. Obviously, there must be
some truth to what he is saying—a truth that we ignore at our peril!
If DFLers are exhibiting mechanical and/or robotic behavior, there should be a complete
and total inquiry into the matter. I propose that all DFL legislators should be given blood
tests; blood samples should be taken from all DFL legislators to determine if they even
have blood and not some artificially red-colored gear oil. Yes, for the sake of the health
of all of humanity, we must be sure that the “people” who are programmed to tax us
aren't a network of robot cohorts.
If we can confirm the humanity (or lack thereof) of our DFL, we as warm-blooded human
citizens will assist Senator Sviggum defend corporate franchises and commercial
industrial properties (oh yes, and other hapless high income bracket individuals) from
being unfairly targeted by non-human machine interests.
On second thought, to hell with blood tests. Blood tests cost too much taxpayer’s money.
When Senator Sviggum gives the word, set your phasers on kill.
Originally published in the Twin Cities Daily Planet, June 8, 2006.
