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Being Moderately Happy is Okay

Brittney Mannheim

Shopper Gaby Cavendish paused for a moment to process the messages she received from the vegetables in the produce section. "They told me -- like right out of the blue -- that it's okay to not be the happiest person alive," she said, reluctantly. "Up until now, I was always trying to compete with my arch frenemy, Rachel...and I was almost thinking about talking smack about her to (our mutual friend) Kelly, just so I could be closer to Kelly and hang out with her family on their speedboat on the river."


"But the vegetables -- and particularly the red peppers -- told me that it wasn't worth it. They specifically said that if Rachel gets invited on the boat and I don't that it is a blessing. I said who is talking to me and they said 'we're a bunch of vegetables talking to you, but mainly we're channeling our voices through the red peppers.'"


And I said to the pepper voices: "Aren't peppers technically a fruit?"

And the ginger root thought I was talking directly to them, and they said "Technically, dear, we're a rhizome."


And I told the ginger I wasn't talking to them, and they started to get all fussy, like I was dissing them or something. Which I wasn't...I said they shouldn't get so spicy, and they seemed to get all bothered with that, too. took offense to that too. I was all like whatever, be all thin skinned. Thanks for the wisdom, b-bye!


Anyway, then the broccoli said something like "we're all technically vegetables if you categorize us as plant matter." But by that time I had moved on to the soup aisle.


And that's when it hit me. I've been spending so much time trying to be happy that I wasn't letting myself just be happy. Who knew squash could make so much sense?


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Listen to your vegetables by The Goobz